It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
