How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
bring money and cleavage
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
