A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
