between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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