do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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