He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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