Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i drank out of a bidet.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
