yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
