i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
