Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
