I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
