I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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