my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
