CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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