You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
