In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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