Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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