im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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