Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
