Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
