i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
