then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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