I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
