Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
