Swine flu. Run for my life!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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