where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
