Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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