After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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