She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
