Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
