i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
