Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
