M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
