remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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