hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
