Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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