I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
