My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
