So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
