She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
