Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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