Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
