i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
