its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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