did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
