did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
what day is it and did you see me today?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
