Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
