I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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