I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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