Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
