yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
