Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
