she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
